My Christmas (A Fictional Exploration)

I want to celebrate Christmas. It has been too long that I have done so.

It is not for lack of trying. There have been too many long pauses and silent moments between phone calls, E-mails and text messages. Family disconnected from me. There are too many reasons to spell out as to why. There are too many fingers worth pointing.

Nothing is OK at home, either. My so-called partner left. Again, there are too many reasons to parse out. My so-called friends already took sides on social media. I know why – I am the auslander. I was not born here. This is not my home.

Perhaps this Christmas is my getaway. Going way from what? Leaving behind an ex with a list of crimes against my own humanity. Leaving behind a clique who decided to close the wagon circle in front of me. Leaving behind a three-quarter empty apartment that was supposed to be full of life and vibrancy.

What do I really have left? What about my so-called job? It never fulfilled me to the point of wanting to do more with the company, my superiors, my co-workers and anyone else involved in what I do. Maybe I should leave that behind – albeit temporarily. 

History

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This is for what I get for being too young to remember any of the Civil Rights Movement.

Today, my attention at work was focused on my iPhone. I was following Twitter and the debates that transpired in the Senate chamber of the Minnesota legislature. Hours of debate ensued – sometimes affirming, sometimes contentious. But, I had to experience it from my cube at my day job.

It was no different than the previous Thursday, when the House chamber took up HF1054 – the bill to change the language of the Defense of Marriage Act in Minnesota towards an inclusive writ for all couples to marry in the eyes of the state. After a series of amendments and some debate, the House passed the bill 75-59.

Thursday turned into Monday. I felt the world was at edge. There were plenty of assurances that it would pass, but there were plenty of skeptics. The pundits considered the Senate safe for passage, compared to the House. I was just as nervous as anyone.