I want to celebrate Christmas. It has been too long that I have done so.
It is not for lack of trying. There have been too many long pauses and silent moments between phone calls, E-mails and text messages. Family disconnected from me. There are too many reasons to spell out as to why. There are too many fingers worth pointing.
Nothing is OK at home, either. My so-called partner left. Again, there are too many reasons to parse out. My so-called friends already took sides on social media. I know why – I am the auslander. I was not born here. This is not my home.
Perhaps this Christmas is my getaway. Going way from what? Leaving behind an ex with a list of crimes against my own humanity. Leaving behind a clique who decided to close the wagon circle in front of me. Leaving behind a three-quarter empty apartment that was supposed to be full of life and vibrancy.
What do I really have left? What about my so-called job? It never fulfilled me to the point of wanting to do more with the company, my superiors, my co-workers and anyone else involved in what I do. Maybe I should leave that behind – albeit temporarily.